You'll Always Be My Hero
by Reaper-2.0
Summary: Humanstuck AU. Tavris (fem!adiosToreador) Nitram breaks down as her older brother, Rufioh Nitram, goes on a pill bender again, leaving her alone. Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN HOMESTUCK OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS. THAT GODLY MAN ANDREW HUSSIE DOES.


"Why can't you just listen to me? For one second, just listen to me Rufioh!" She cried. Her hand gripped the pill bottle he had just emptied, holding on for dear life. Tears ran down her face as she screamed, her heart broken. Rufioh was unresponsive, slight drool sliding down his chin, his body slumped into the couch. An eye twitched as Tavris realized her older brother was no longer coherent. She dropped the hollow container on the floor and grabbed a tissue, walking over and sitting next to her brother. Her hand moved up to his chin and wiped the saliva away, crumpling up the tissue and tossing it on the table. "Oh Rufioh. Why did you let this happen to yourself? Was it my fault? Could I have done something to stop it?" she asked herself.

Resting her head on his shoulder, her eyes welled up. She could feel her heart shatter inside her chest, causing her to shut her eyes. The tears dripped onto the sleeve of his shirt, yet he didn't seem to notice. "I feel so alone Ruf..." The water seemed to flow from her eyes, clutching his arm. "You said I could look to my side and see you there. You said you'd always be here for me. Where are you now?" She turned her head to look up at him, her eyes red and puffy. His head was leaned to the left, the liquid falling from the corner of his mouth again. His eyelids fluttered slightly, a sign that he might be waking. "R-Rufioh?" She muttered, shaking him lightly. He slouched further into the couch, his head hanging lower. Tears continued to stream down her face, soaking his sleeve. "Rufioh, please wake up. I need you. You said you'd be here and I want you here. Please." Her shaking got a little more aggressive, her soft words turning to angry slurs.

"Rufioh you son of a bitch, wake up! After all of these fucking years and you still aren't here for me! You promised! You fucking promised!" She punched him, trying to get him to respond some way, only to watch his seemingly lifeless body be moved like a ragdoll. Frustrated and crying, she continued hitting him anywhere she possibly could. A few blows to the gut, the arm, and leg before she got tired. Shifting on the couch, she layed down on his lap, resting her head on his right leg. His jeans smelled of the cologne she bought him a few years back for Christmas before their parents left. The scent brought more tears to her eyes, burning as she blinked them away. "I can't believe you still wear this shitty stuff." she laughed slightly to herself. "It smells so bad. I only got it because I knew you'd feel bad if you got nothing from me."

"I miss them..." Her voice cracked as she spoke. "I miss them so much. I want to wake up and hear them again. I want to be able to come home and give mom and hug before she leaves for work and see what dad is doing in the basement. I want to get into slap fights with you in the car and hear them yell at us to knock it off." The salty water fell onto his pants, soaking a small part of his leg. She sat up and faced him, yelling again. "CAN YOU HEAR ME?! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE HOW MUCH I NEED YOU! WHY CAN'T YOU STOP TAKING THE PILLS! YOU DON'T NEED THEM. YOU NEED ME AND I NEED YOU." Her little hands balled up into fists, ready to lay into him all the anger that filled her. But she stopped. Unclenching her fists, she got off of the couch and walked away from him. Without a sound, she made her way upstairs and to her bedroom, bawling again. As soon as she walked into her room, she broke down and collapsed onto the floor, curling up in the fetal position.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't mean to push you away." Her hand clawed at the ground as she weeped, her voice barely audible. "Please forgive me. I didn't mean to do it. I didn't mean to make you feel the way you do. I know you take the pills because of me and I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry." She curled more, pulling her knees up to her chest, hiding her face. Her fingers pulled at the hardwood flooring, trying to grasp something, something to hold on to. Something to grip tightly and never let go of. With nothing to hold, her anger got the best of her and she slowly stood up, furious. "I just want them to come home! Why won't they come home!" She yelled. Reaching out, she grabbed the lamp that sat on her nightstand and unplugged it, shaking. "I want it all go to away..." She muttered. Screaming, she threw the lamp at the wall, watching it shatter, her mind shutting down. "I JUST WANT IT ALL TO GO AWAY!"

Her body ached and her throat was sore. She no longer cared. She had finally given up.

Tired, she stumbled out of her bedroom and down the stairs, her throat screaming at her in pain. It burned horribly, and every time she took a breath, she could feel the fire that coated her lungs. Every bit of her wanted to sleep, but she knew she couldn't leave her older brother on the couch. She shuffled over to the couch and bent over, using all of the strength she has left to hold him up and keep him up. Her arm snaked around his back and held onto his side while his arm wrapped around her shoulder. Slowly, but surely, she dragged him along up the stairs and into his bedroom, where she layed him down on the bed. Tears fell from her eyes as she layed down with him, cuddling into his chest. Breathing in his scent, she closed her eyes. Softly, she sang.

"But you'll always be my hero, even though you've lost your mind."


End file.
